An Unfortunate Fortune/Transcript
Mallory: Hello! Matt: Oh, hello! Welcome to Marwan the Mystic's... place. How may I provide the help to you? Mallory: I was wondering if you could tell me... Matt: Your fortune? Mallory: Yes. Matt: Oh really? Usually, people just ask for directions to bathroom, but I always say "your fortune" and I'm right like two percent of time. Sit. Sit. Mallory: Thank you. Um, just looking for any insights you might have. I'm thinking about switching careers. Matt: Hmm... Well, the crystal ball says that will be very boring. But it could be fun though. Mallory: Oh, okay. Um, any idea which one it is? Matt: Well, the ball for sure says it will be boring. Mallory: I see. Matt: But it could be fun though. It could be. Mallory: Sorry, I'm confused. Do I listen to the ball or to you? Matt: Well, probably the ball, to be honest. It's pretty accurate. But it could be wrong though. It could be... Mallory: How often is it wrong? Matt: Oh, like never. But it could be. You know, anything could happen, when you have a dream in your heart and a twinkle in the... in the face. Mallory: Okay. Maybe I'll just go with the ball, yeah? Mallory: Does it say anything about my vacation next week? Will I, you know, meet someone special or something? Matt: Oh no, it says there's trouble ahead. Mallory: Does it? Matt: Yes, terrible calamity that is not good. But it could be fun though. It could be. It could be very fun. It could be the worst thing you have ever experienced like you want to gauge eye out with spoon or something, but it could be fun though. It could be. Mallory: Do you know which one it is? What does... what does the ball say? Matt: Well, the ball thinks he knows everything, and it's like "this is for sure going to be bad", but I think it could be fun though, you know. It's... it's hard to say, it's fifty-fifty. It's definitely not the middle. It will either be super fun, or the worst thing ever. Just a hands down disaster. You will be crying and the loneliness, you'll call your mother, but it could be fun though. It could be. Mallory: Okay, what would make it fun? Matt: Oh, you know, anything could be fun, it's all perspective really. Mallory: Anything could be bad too. Matt: It could be. It could be very bad, but it could be fun though. It could be. Mallory: I'm just going to cancel my trip, it's not worth the risk. Matt: But why? Mallory: It's fine, it's just a cruise, it's not like a wedding or a Beyoncé concert. Matt: But what if it's fun though?! Mallory: What if it's terrible?! Matt: It could always be terrible. Mallory: It could always be fun. Matt: A-ha! Mallory: Dang it. Matt: Look, don't let the ball scare you, even though it's super accurate; especially when it comes to bad things, it is like a prescient little glass doomsayer. The end of the world approaches. Armageddon is nigh! All will be darkness and screaming. No one will escape the suffering. But it could be fun though. Mallory: Okay, how about this. Crystal Ball, should I listen to you or to Marwan? Matt: It says listen to spleen? No, heart. That's a heart. I don't know what organs look like. Mallory: Okay, thank you, ball. Thank you, Marwan. Matt: Wait, what did you decide? Mallory: I don't know, but I know I am going to be the one who decides it. Matt: Oh, that's deep. And ultimately very bad for my business. Mallory: Yes. But it could be fun though. Matt: Ah! Actually, that's trademarked, please don't use it. Mallory: Sorry. James: Excuse me, I was just wondering... Matt; Your fortune? James: Bathroom. Matt: Down hall, second door. Category:Season 8